


Fairy Tales

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Series: Author's Favorites [4]
Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9492602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: At some point in Charles’ life, he heard the phrase, “Every good hero deserves a villain.” He’s never been sure that’s true; karmically, wouldn’t every good hero deserve a happy ending?While he might not think himself a proper “hero,” Charles does think he may have gotten both, though to lesser degrees.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jehane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehane/gifts).



> I hope you like this. I tried for something less... well, less, but this kept coming out instead. I caved.
> 
> As this is un-betaed, all mistakes are my own.

At some point in Charles’ life, he heard the phrase, “Every good hero deserves a villain.” He’s never been sure that’s true; karmically, wouldn’t every good hero deserve a happy ending?

While he might not think himself a proper “hero,” Charles does think he may have gotten both, though to lesser degrees. 

He has a villain, of course. Anyone reading the memoirs of Charles Francis Xavier would dub Erik his villain. Antagonist, opposing force - anything like that, Erik would likely fit. Charles hasn’t written his memoirs, and doubts that he’ll ever have the time to sit down and write his memoirs - especially since he’d have to pick what to actually include, as if he included everything, his memoirs would be longer than an Act of Congress - but no matter how he could ever portray Erik, the cross-purpose of their affairs is something that could never go unnoticed. 

Erik features in every major event in Charles’ life, sometimes positive, sometimes not. Honestly, if Charles wrote his memoirs, he might as well write Erik’s while he’s at it. 

But yes, Charles has his villain. 

His happy ending is a flimsier thing. When Charles was a child and read all the fairy tales he could find, a happy ending always included at least three core things. 

First, the hero would vanquish their villain. No matter the strength or weakness of the hero, or the nature of the villain, the hero would do something that would be unequivocally called “winning.” Charles has learned that no victory comes without loss, which eroded that core element, but he has known the fleeting feeling of victory. Of course, Charles has also learned that heroes and villains don’t always cross paths just once. Sometimes, they cross paths again and again, and the hero doesn’t always win.

Second, the hero would become revered by the people of the land for having vanquished the villain. No matter how many people - a planet, a kingdom, a village, even just a family - the hero would essentially become their new god, though it would usually be done in a subtler way. The hero being magnanimous in his or her victory, and the people building monuments to him or her, or simply writing ballads. 

That core piece, Charles threw out the window years ago. He will always be a mutant. He will never be revered by all the land, no matter who he vanquishes or how many he saves. Some will respect him and see the good that he has done, but others will always vilify both sides of the conflict. He knows that his own people look up to him as something akin to a deity, no matter what he does. He doesn’t believe they should, but recognizes the strength in allowing them to do so - both for him, and for them. Charles will allow that to stand in for universal reverence. At this point, he’s not sure what he’d do with it, anyway. 

(That’s a lie. Charles knows that he would rewrite the laws, educate the people, and stop the fighting. But it’s easier to lie to himself, rather than ache after the things he cannot do in such an easy fell swoop.)

The third, of course, is true love. Every hero finds true love at the happy ending of his story. This love is presented as a gift for vanquishing the villain, or as a growth between the hero and a compatriot, or simply the ability to go home to a true love that was always there waiting. 

Charles does not have any dispute with this point. A happy ending wouldn’t be complete without the hero finding love. Love, Charles has found, is what makes getting up in the morning doable when everything else feels lost. As Charles fights what is likely a losing battle - he tries to fight that thought, but the older he gets, the less able he is to do so - he finds he needs that love more and more simply to get up and be Charles Xavier. 

Of course, no fairy tale would approve of the manner in which Charles has found true love. Charles has never read a fairy tale - nor any story - where the hero falls in love with the villain, and that love ends in anything but disaster.

He’s not arguing that's wrong, either.

Charles Xavier has been in love with Erik Lehnsherr since he was a young man, wandering the world in order to learn, a fresh professor from Oxford, unbreakable in his belief that the world was simply waiting for him to teach it. He has been in love with Erik Lehnsherr since the fury in his friend was simply a well-banked fire, before it raged out of control. 

He has learned, over the past fifty years, that love is not something that can be dismissed simply because it is inconvenient. Charles found his true love, and he cannot unfind him. He doesn’t wish to.

(Another lie. Sometimes, when Charles lies alone in bed at night, he wishes he could tear Erik out of him, like a piece of shrapnel buried in his chest. He doesn’t care, in those moments, that it would kill him to do it. He only wishes that he could.)

True love in the fairy tales is always pure and simple. Charles has forgotten what love looks like when it’s not cloaked in betrayal and heartbreak.

Since he fell in love, Charles has known violence, watched it escalate to extreme violence, lost his legs, lost friends, watched the world burn, put out the fire at the cost of his own morals, and relearned how to wake up alone, not expecting anyone to be at his side. Not expecting Erik to be at his side.

And Charles - Charles has never been able to let himself love anyone else. Has never even tried, really. He doesn’t try to let himself off the hook; he doesn’t say it’s because he’s afraid of the same betrayal. Charles knows that what he and Erik have is unique in the world. He just can’t stand the idea of anyone else in that position.

So he loves, and he burns, and he fights. He leads, he inspires, and he teaches. He hurts, he regrets, and he counts his losses more than his victories. 

Every time Charles sees Erik on the battlefield, he thinks of how it was, in the beginning. He tries to reconcile that Erik and Charles with the ones in the here and now. He calls Erik “friend,” when the word was never really true.

Erik has been beloved, he has been feared. He has been the cause of heartbreak and rage. He has been Charles’ everything, and he has been the void in Charles’ soul. But he has never been Charles’ friend. 

Charles knows that when Erik hears himself called “friend,” Erik knows what Charles really means. 

Erik knows that when Charles says “friend,” what he really means is “my love, I wish I could forget you.”

Charles knows that when Erik repeats the sentiment, he’s really saying, “no, you don’t.”


End file.
